


To keep your heart beating, I'll have to break it first

by hotelcortez



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Blood, Death Threats, Fluff and Angst, Gang AU, Gunshot Wounds, M/M, Major Character Injury, rival gang nct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 18:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotelcortez/pseuds/hotelcortez
Summary: Felix had always known he'd do anything for Bang Chan, he just never realised how far that would go one day.He never thought he'd be forced into watching Chan get hurt, threatened into leaving his gang and blackmailed into breaking Chan's heart with just the small hope that it would keep his leader safe.But fortunately for Felix, Chan wasn't going to let him go that easily.





	To keep your heart beating, I'll have to break it first

**Author's Note:**

> *EDIT: considering the news that has come out about woojin, i will not be supporting or writing him anymore. as far as i can tell i have managed to edit him completely out this story. if i have missed anything, please let me know*
> 
> heya all!
> 
> sorry for not posting in a couple of weeks, this took me a little longer than I expected and I stopped writing for a bit xx
> 
> but recently it came to my attention that I have never published a chanlix fic and, as the chanlix lover that I am, I set out to change that. although I will admit I imagined it to be a lot fluffier than this (oops?)
> 
> TW: gangs, gunshot wounds, major injuries, blood, severe blackmail and death threats. Please, please stay happy and stay safe <3
> 
> Enjoy!

_Tell them anything. And they die._

The note was written on crinkled white paper, black lettering shining starkly against the plain background and taunting Felix every time he read it.

_Tell them anything? And they die?_

Tell _them_ anything? And _they _die?

Felix wanted to pretend he didn’t know who _they _or _them_ were, but he would have been stupid not to. The note was a threat, a threat warning Felix that if he told the wrong people the wrong thing then they would die. Felix didn’t know what it was he wasn’t supposed to tell, but he was 100% that it was his gang who would be the ones ‘dying’ if he did. There was no one else out there that Felix could be threatened with, no one else that he would care about if they died.

But that just posed even more questions; who had sent the note? What was the _anything_ referring to? What was there possibly for Felix _to tell_?

Yes, he had found a strange note in his pocket after their latest weapons run. No, he had no idea who the note was from. But what was the note even threatening him about? What didn’t they want him to tell? What was there for Felix to tell when he had no idea what he was supposed to be keeping secret in the first place?

So, Felix just stared.

He stared at the note until the letters blurred and the sentences jumbled and the words didn’t make sense to him anymore.

He’d tried everything he could think of. He’d gone back to the location and retraced his steps to see if there was any moment someone would have had opportunity to slip something into his pocket. He’d searched the whole place for signs of another person. He’d asked Seungmin a load of suspiciously hypothetical question about how to check paper for fingerprints. And… nothing.

Nothing.

Felix was still absolutely none the wiser on who the hell the note was from or what they hell they wanted or why he had even received it in the first place.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, lying lazily on his top bunk in the abandoned house him and the rest of his gang were currently squatting in. The guns were clean and the room was tidy and the research for the next mission was done and Felix was running out of things he could do to distract himself, hence all the lying around. His fingers absentmindedly played with the note, mind still pondering on what it could all mean.

Fortunately, Felix’s mind-storm was soon interrupted by Jeongin throwing open the door and leaping into the room, pulling up both hands to mime holding a gun as Felix shot up in the bed.

“Captain says meeting downstairs,” Jeongin purposefully made his voice deeper, piercing Felix with a mock scary-stare as he simulated cocking the ‘gun’, “Or I shoot.”

“No! Please don’t shoot!” Felix pretended to throw his hands in the air, scrambling towards the ladder as Jeongin screamed ‘too late!’ and pulled both his arms back, making a loud ‘bang!’ noise with his mouth.

An even louder crash was heard when Felix threw himself off the ladder pretending to die. He landed in a tangled heap at the bottom, knowing exactly where to position his limbs so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Felix was extremely nimble and athletic, which made him the best in the gang at hand-to-hand combat and at crucial tasks like sneaking and climbing. Which also meant that he could throw himself off pieces of furniture for the group’s entertainment without causing any injury.

Jeongin collapsed with laughter next to him, his high-pitched shrieks filling the air as Felix pretended to reach out a hand in a plea for survival, pretending to take his last breath before flopping all his limbs dramatically onto the floor, Jeongin’s cackles only getting louder.

“What the hell is going on up there?!” Chan’s voice soon carried over the noise in the room, sounding so confused and humoured and oh-so-motherly that Felix’s face pulled up into a smile, “What was that crash?”

“It was just Felix-hyung dying!” Jeongin screeched back, a series of grunts and sighs sounding back from the rest of the group, some of them sounding happy whilst others sounded exasperated, Felix making a mental note to sneak up on the ones who had been celebrating.

“Jeongin, I asked you to bring Felix downstairs, not kill him.” Chan spoke again, Felix unable to deny the way his heart fluttered slightly at the amused endearment laced in the leader’s tone.

“Sorry, hyung!” Jeongin yelled back as he pulled himself off the floor, holding out a hand to help Felix up too, “Easy mistake to make.”

Felix couldn’t help but snort at the comment, shaking his head as Jeongin smiled his way, catching the light of the room at just the right angle. The setting sun shone from the window just as Jeongin’s head turned, lighting up the maknae’s face with such a soft glow that Jeongin suddenly looked as young as he was. There were laugh lines and smiles prominent on his face, skin beaming gently and red hair flopping over his forehead, making him look youthful and happy and exactly how a boy his age should look.

It was simultaneously a devastating and beautiful sight, sending a million thoughts storming through Felix’s head. The words from the note – _And they die _– rang ominously in his mind. Felix knew the gang world was cruel, but it couldn’t be that cruel, could it? No one would hurt Jeongin, right? He was too young, too pure, too perfect to be lost to this world.

But then again, Felix supposed all his gang were. He couldn’t help but think about it as he picked up the note and slipped it into his pocket before following Jeongin out the room, tossing his orangey-pink hair out his face as he walked towards the people who meant everything to him, towards the people he never should have met but was infinitely glad to have anyway.

None of them should have been dragged into the gang world. None of them should be so young and in such a dark and dangerous place. None of them should be under threat from a note that Felix suddenly released just how much he was terrified of.

None of them deserved to die.

But every day there was a risk that they could, and the note only served to further remind Felix of that. They lived a dangerous life, and anything could happen to any one of them at any given moment.

Minho with his trauma and his runaway driver skills that got them out of everything.

Changbin with his absent family and his perfect eye that shot at exactly what they needed it to.

Hyunjin with his harsh memories and his persuasive negotiation skills that had gained them all the right connections in all the right places.

Jisung with his nightmares and his nifty talent with a knife that had saved their lives more times than they could count.

Seungmin with his sad eyes and his computer hacking skills that had navigated them out of many awful situations.

Jeongin with his fear and his quick-thinking tactician skills that had become so reassuring when he shouted his orders into their ear-pierces, high-pitched voice able to pull them out of anything.

And then there was Felix… head filled with darkness and horror and a whole world of things he was forced to battle with. But then there were his fast feet and his agile arms and his lithe body that pulled him as fast as lightning down prohibited corridors, that slinked him easily through many flying fists, that crawled him through narrow tunnels and up the sides of high buildings. Chan had seen potential in Felix, had taken him in like he had everyone else, had given him a life he hated to give out but had kept him alive all the same, and Felix owed him everything for it.

Chan was their leader, carrying his own dark past but shouldering it effortlessly to help them with their own. He was their rock, their guide, and Felix had been in love the moment he’d laid eyes on him.

Maybe it was Chan’s messy black hair and perfect good looks. Maybe it was Chan’s soft voice that had gotten Felix through every breakdown. Maybe it was Chan’s ability to protect all of them no matter the situation. Maybe it was all three.

Felix didn’t know what it was that made him love Chan, but he knew he was absolutely whipped for it.

He could still remember Chan’s face when he’d found Felix, when he’d rescued him and sheltered him and held his hand through his first mission, whispering the words ‘always find me, yeah? I’m not gonna leave you behind’ into Felix’s hair when Felix had fallen into Chan’s chest in tears, thanking him over and over again for giving him a chance at another life.

It was what Felix was thinking about as he finally joined the rest of the gang in their makeshift living room, all of them spread out over the sofas and floors. Half of them were sprawled out on top of each other, using each other’s laps as pillows and tucking each other’s heads into chests, hands linked at every possible opportunity.

It made Felix smile as he joined them, squeezing himself between a smiling Jisung and a humming Seungmin, the two boys seeming so innocent and so unkillable compared to the note crinkling in Felix’s pocket.

_And they die._

Felix couldn’t let anyone hurt them… wouldn’t let anyone hurt them. He didn’t know who the note was from or what the hell it meant, but he was suddenly determined to find out, even if it meant he had to do it alone. The note specifically said Felix couldn’t tell them, so he wouldn’t… not until he was absolutely sure his gang was out of danger.

So, when Chan spoke up, his arms draped over as many of his members as he could manage, Felix refused to speak up.

“Does anyone have anything important they feel like they need to bring up?” the leader asked, the same question he opened every meeting with. It was specifically asked to make sure that they were all safe, that none of them were being threatened, that none of them were in the situation Felix was literally in the middle of. It would have been the perfect time for Felix to speak up, the perfect time for him to pull out the note.

But then Felix caught sight of Chan, of his loose curls and his dark under-eye circles and his smile that was reserved only for the seven boys under his care, and Felix realised he couldn’t let him get hurt.

_Tell them anything. And they die._

Felix wasn’t going to tell them. Felix wasn’t going to let them die.

Felix was going to protect Chan. Felix was going to protect all of them.

No matter the cost.

. . .

_Do as we say. Or they all die._

The notes only got worse after that. Felix found them outside their door, in his pockets, tucked in his weapons, in locations the group had assigned him to. They were everywhere. Anywhere he went, a note was there too.

_Leave the gang or the gang dies._

The notes had started asking him to do things; telling him to leave the gang, telling him to skip out on missions, telling him to leave the group alone when he was on guard duty. Felix had been getting more and more scared, not having the guts to actually leave the gang but utterly terrified of what would happen if he didn’t.

_The longer you stay in the gang, the more danger you put them in. _

Felix prayed the notes weren’t true, desperately hoping they were just some kind of stupid prank or empty threat that a rival gang had set up to scare him. He didn’t want to actually leave the gang. He loved his gang. He needed his gang. He couldn’t just leave them behind.

_You’re ignoring us. You’re going to get them killed._

It started happening before Felix even realised. He started to distance himself from the others, started to decline Changbin’s offers to break into a gym, started to stop racing Jisung at every opportunity, started to hold back from joining in the playful games Hyunjin, Seungmin and Jeongin were always roping him into.

_Leave Stray Kids. Or you’ll regret even joining them in the first place._

The whole gang had noticed, but Felix refused to tell them anything about why he was suddenly pulling away from them, about the pieces of paper in his pocket, about how every fold was like a timebomb in his head, counting down to when he was actually going to get someone hurt.

He dodged Jisung’s many attempts to talk. He slithered away from Minho’s attempts at cornering him. He even pulled away from the endless hugs Chan relentlessly tried to give out. Felix knew that one minute in his leader’s warm arms was all it would take for Felix to crack, and he couldn’t let that happen. He had to keep them safe.

He couldn’t leave them behind, but he still had to protect them.

However, it soon became clear that Felix couldn’t do both of those things at the same time. Whoever was sending out the notes was not going to allow Felix to stay in the gang much longer, not if he wanted to keep them safe.

That soon became very clear when Felix received the most cryptic note of all. It was just two words, two tiny words that simultaneously meant everything and nothing, that could symbolise so many things and had Felix’s mind reeling.

_Right shoulder. _

Felix was confused by the note at first. _Right shoulder? _What the hell did _right shoulder _mean?

He read it a thousand times and then some, repeating the words over and over to himself, saying them out loud and re-writing them constantly, wondering if it was some kind of code he needed to crack. The internet offered no help and Felix was left completely and utterly baffled by it until three pivotal days later, when everything suddenly became clear…

The gang were raiding at abandoned building, trying to rob and loot anything that could possibly be considered valuable. Felix and Chan were together, guns loaded and eyes peeled as they crept through corridors and searched rooms, keeping firm contact with Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin who were doing the same at the other end of the building.

Minho was positioned in the van outside, ready to offer help and drive away fast should something go wrong. They all had hidden cameras attached to their clothes, alongside the old CCTV in the building that Seungmin had hacked into and was watching from a laptop in their house, Jeongin next to him and speaking into a walkie-talkie that was connected to all their earpieces.

All was supposedly going well, Chan and Felix managing to fill their backpacks with treasure whilst remaining undetected, breaths quiet and steps silent as they stepped into the large reception area, overlooked by a balcony that was encased in darkness.

Felix couldn’t explain it, but electricity sizzled in his veins the moment Chan stepped in front of him. His heart dropped and his lungs spasmed and a bad feeling sunk like a stone in his gut, all his worst fears coming to life when Chan stepped out into the open. 

Less than a second passed before a gunshot exploded into the air, sounding loud and terrifying and blood-curdingly awful as Felix flinched so hard he almost fell over. He could practically see the bullet as it ricocheted through the air, whistling across the room right past Felix’s face as it lodged itself into Chan, Felix’s yell unable to stop the impact.

Chan’s legs went out from under him as Felix’s moved forward, his arms pulling his guns up as he fired into the area the bullet had come from, the horrifying bangs drowning out the sound of Chan hitting the ground behind him. Felix grit his teeth as he continued to fire, wanting to scream and cry and run as his bullets entered the darkness, most likely not hitting the person who had shot his leader.

It was only when Felix’s vision was blurred by tears that he whipped round, dropping his guns and collapsing to his knees at Chan’s side. He frantically dove forward and pushed both hands over the wound, yelping as he tried to ignore the scarlet red that coated almost all his leader’s side.

“Hyung!” Felix yelled, spit flying out his mouth and tears streaming down his cheeks, Chan’s wide and pained eyes shooting up to look terrifyingly at him, “Hyung, you’re alright. Stay with me.”

“I’m-I’m alright,” Chan struggled to say, nodding as he grasped onto one of Felix’s wrists, shuddering at the agony the action caused him. Felix’s heart seized in his chest, his throat tightening and his hands sweating and his whole body vibrating at the sight of his leader in pain, at the sight of the blood and the terror and the damage Felix couldn’t get away from.

“Stay still, hyung,” Felix tried to instruct, voice shaking and hands staining a brutal red as he applied more pressure to the wound, ignoring the whimpers coming from under him. He was able to pull an unsteady hand away to press a button on his earpiece, letting all his fear and terror spill out to the boys listening at the other end.

“We need back-up now!” Felix was able to yell, voice cracking as Chan’s eyes met his own, a million thoughts of dread swirling through his mind as he tried to remain calm, “We’re in the central reception area and Chan-hyung’s down! He’s been shot and we need to move him now.”

“On our way.” Changbin’s voice was short and urgent as he responded, Felix unable to deny the slight reassurance it brought him. He pushed further down on the wound, closing his eyes at Chan’s whimper and the way his heart stuttered agonisingly at the sight of one of his members hurt.

He tried to tell himself that they wouldn’t be alone soon, that they would fix Chan and help him and then they’d all be safe. None of them would be hurt. None of them would die.

But it was so hard for Felix to tell himself that when the blood was staining his hands and Chan’s breaths were getting raspier by the second and they were huddled on the floor of an abandoned building and _oh my god this was no place to die._

“Just hold on, hyung,” Felix tried to sound calm, tried to push all his remaining strength into his voice as he avoided Chan’s face, focusing only on the gruesome hole filling with red, “The others are coming. We’re going to get you out of here. We’re going to be the ones to save you this time, okay? It’s all going to be okay, hyung.”

Chan choked as he nodded, still gripping onto Felix’s wrist with the little strength he had left. It was a small action, so miniscule compared to the million terrible things happening, but Felix couldn’t help but focus on it. The feeling of his leader’s hand on his wrist, of the soft fingertips pressing lightly against his skin, it sent tingles rippling throughout Felix’s body, reminding him of the absolute beauty in the man laid before him.

But then Felix jumped at the sound of Minho's panicked voice in his earpiece, Minho’s panicked voice trying to give him medical advice whilst he prepared all the supplies in the back of the van they would soon drag Chan to.

“Where is the gunshot?” Minho demanded, voice increasing and decreasing in volume, practically lost to the static as Felix tried to understand and respond and stay focused on Chan all at once.

“It’s on the right shoul-“

Felix felt his blood turn to ash. Every single one of his organs froze over, a look of complete and utter terror invading his face as his entire body stilled.

_Right shoulder._

That’s what the note had meant. That’s what the threat was for. Chan had been shot, directly in his right shoulder, just like the note said.

_The longer you stay in the gang, the more danger you put them in. _

Whoever had sent the note had gotten access to the gang, had gotten tired of Felix’s blatant refusal and had taken action.

_Leave the gang or the gang dies._

This wasn’t a bluff anymore. This wasn’t a game. This was a full-fledged warning.

The sender of the notes was dead-serious about Felix leaving, was fully capable of hurting the gang if Felix didn’t do so, and Felix had ignored it. Felix had ignored it and now his leader was crying and shaking and choking underneath him, right shoulder drowning sickeningly in blood.

It was all Felix’s fault.

“The bullet’s in the right shoulder!” Felix practically screamed into the earpiece, cheeks flooded with tears as he buried his face in Chan’s chest, sobbing desperately as he pressed into the wound, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Felix could tell Chan wanted to ask questions, could tell Minho had frozen at the other end of the earpiece, but none of it mattered as he felt Chan’s body stuttering underneath him, trying to respond to Felix’s completely shredded voice.

This was all his fault. This was all his fault. This was all his fault.

Felix was going to have to leave, was going to have to leave his gang behind, was going to have to turn his back on them. Or the next body underneath him wouldn’t be breathing. Or the next person Felix loved wouldn’t survive.

So, Felix cried.

He cried for Chan’s pain. He cried for his own loss. He cried because he’d never be able to make them understand without getting them killed, and he would never, ever be the reason any of them died. 

So, Felix cried into Chan’s chest as he waited for the others to arrive.

He sobbed as Jisung wrenched him away. He watched through his tears as Changbin and Hyunjin carried Chan to the van. He shook as Minho fixed the leader’s wound. And he apologised profusely when they all put Chan to bed, gathering silently in the living room and staring at Felix confusedly when he refused to meet their eyes.

It hurt, having to see them so lost and so upset by Chan’s pain and Felix’s strange reaction to it.

But it hurt even more having to wait for them all to fall asleep, casting one last look over them before Felix slipped out the door and into the dead of night, completely alone.

. . .

BANG!

A harsh flinch rattled through Felix’s entire body as another gunshot burst into the air, bringing forth images of blood and panic and a fallen leader into Felix’s mind as he pressed himself against the wall.

He was quick to shake his head and turn in the opposite direction, knowing that running away from gunshots was always smarter than running towards them.

It had been a month since he’d left Stray Kids, a month since he’d walked out with no explanation and not gone back. Since then, he’d been trying to put as much distance between himself and their territory as possible, wanting to make it impossible for them to find him. The further Stray Kids were from Felix, the safer they’d be.

But, unfortunately, the further Felix was from Stray Kids, the more painful it became.

He’d cuddled up to his stolen blankets, he’d vented to the graffitied walls, he’d screamed angrily in the apartments he’d been hopping between, and none of it had made the ache go away. None of it had helped shake the thought of the whole gang waking up and finding Felix gone, left to wonder where he went whilst Felix was forced to fight both the real and imaginary monsters alone.

He’d tried to put off going on a raid, knowing how stupid it would be to go alone. But Felix was low on supplies and he knew he’d need to break into another gang’s territory to find what he needed. So, with a million voices in his head telling him to stop, he’d grabbed his guns and packed his bag and set off, deciding to sneak around and hopefully go unscathed instead of storming the place like the gang would usually do.

However, luck was still not on Felix’s side.

BANG!

He almost dropped to his knees when the guns went off again, still a few rooms away but loud enough to have Felix’s heart racing.

It seemed another gang had gotten the same idea as Felix, breaking into the dangerous territory and setting off a battle that Felix was now in the middle of. The two rival gangs were shooting at each other somewhere else in the building whilst Felix just tried to get away, knowing no matter which gang found him, they’d still hurt him if they caught him.

So, Felix whipped around a corner and tried not to think about how familiar some of the fighting sounded, how he seemed to recognise some of the yells twisting down the corridors and reaching Felix’s ears.

He just needed to keep running.

He needed to get out.

It didn’t matter who the gangs were, it didn’t matter how familiar they were to him, Felix needed to get out.

But his whole plan went out the window when a heart-stopping cry of pain echoed from the next corridor, stopping Felix in his tracks and sizzling against his veins when he realised exactly who it was that was crying out.

Felix had tried to tell himself that he didn’t recognise anyone in the building, that he was completely unaware of who the second rival gang were, but there was no denying it now.

That cry of pain… that agonised voice… that was Hwang Hyunjin.

Felix’s lungs tightened at the sound of it, his mind blanking and his forehead dripping and too many voices saying too many words and too many risks with too many consequences.

Hyunjin was in trouble and Felix needed to save him, but if Felix saved him then he’d be going against the notes and if he went against the notes there wouldn’t be any point in saving Hyunjin in the first place. It was complicated… too complicated… but Felix couldn’t spend any longer contemplating it, because Hyunjin cried out again and Felix’s legs were moving before he could even stop himself.

He slammed into the next corridor, guns up and hair whipping against his face as he snarled, running towards the sight of two bulky men with Hyunjin backed against the wall, leering threateningly down at him as he tried to push against their offending arms.

“Hey!” Felix roared, voice reaching every single one of the lower octaves as he raised his guns, “Back off!”

He barely even waited for the men to turn before he sprinted towards them, throwing down his guns knowing the men were too close to Hyunjin to risk firing at them. Instead, he dodged one of their flying fists with a chop of his own, slamming his other hand into the offender’s face with a growl.

The man dropped, and Felix’s entire body turned, slamming a kick into the other man’s ribs as Hyunjin pounced on the other one, a series of slaps and pained grunts filling the room as they sparred.

Felix ended with a bloody nose and bruises littering his face and torso whilst Hyunjin favoured his right leg, Felix grabbing his hand and tugging him into a sprint away from the men lying half-conscious on the floor.

They ran through the pain, thoughts rushing chaotically between them as Hyunjin kept casting glances at Felix, evidently shocked by his appearance. Felix just hoped that he’d be able to escape, that he’d be able to get away before they ran into any of the other boys and Felix would be horrifyingly reminded of all he had left behind.

It was when they were approaching a corridor that formed a crossroads that Felix saw his chance. There were three different routes to take, one of which Hyunjin would run down whilst Felix would dash off down another one, finding the nearest exit and hopefully disappearing again before he could endanger his gang once more.

But Felix must have been too obvious, because the moment he twisted his body towards the right turn, Hyunjin was pouncing on him.

“No!” Hyunjin yelled, “You are not getting away again! You can’t leave us!”

He pinned Felix to the floor, ignoring Felix’s cry of pain and forcing his whole body on top of Felix’s, trapping his arms underneath him and closing his eyes as he pressed into the bruises covering Felix’s ribs, knowing it was the only way to keep Felix in place.

After all, Felix was the sneakiest of the gang, and the best at escaping these kind of situations.

Which is why Felix was probably already able to wriggle out from under Hyunjin, squirming in just the right way that had both his arms free. He was about to leap up and take off again when Hyunjin grabbed his ankle and started screaming, Felix feeling his heart jump into his throat.

“Changbin-hyung! Jisung!” Hyunjin roared, scrambling to hold onto Felix’s kicking legs, “I need help!”

“Hyunjin, no!” Felix tried to yell back, vision tunnelling as he heard rapidly approaching footsteps, “Hyunjin, you can’t! You don’t understand! Please don’t!”

Spit flew out his mouth as he tried to explain, entire body starting to shake as he frantically tried to get away. If the others arrived then they could trap him, and if they trapped him they could take him back into the gang, and if they took him back into the gang then they’d die.

“Hyunjin, stop!” Felix was sobbing now, sobbing as he clawed at Hyunjin’s shaking hands, “You have to let me go! You have to! Hyunjin, _please.”_

His voice broke on the last word, Hyunjin freezing for a second as he stared horrified at Felix’s broken face. Felix took advantage of the brief moment of stillness, tossing his legs underneath him and turning around to sprint away, only to run directly into the arms of Changbin.

“No!” Felix screamed as Changbin’s arms immediately circled his waist, “No, let me go! You need to let me go!”

But Changbin was pinning Felix up against the wall, Jisung and Hyunjin immediately running to help as Felix clawed and thrashed and struggled. He couldn’t stay him with them. He was putting them in danger! They were all in danger!

“I can’t be here!” Felix wept, avoiding the three sets of confused, terrified eyes staring desperately at him, “You don’t understand!”

“Then make us understand!” Changbin screamed back, his hands digging into Felix’s shoulders, “You just left, Felix! You ran away and left us all behind and now you’re trying to do it again!”

The words were like an arrow in Felix’s chest, freezing his entire body as his worst nightmare unfolded right in front of his eyes.

He knew the rest of the gang would be upset when he left them, but he hadn’t expected this. He hadn’t expected them to fight and pin him if it gave them just a small chance to get him back. He hadn’t expected their scared, heartbroken eyes staring at him as he tried to get away. He hadn’t expected the hope sparkling on their faces, hope that he might be able to return to them.

It only made having to run away again more painful.

But Felix knew he would have to; he would always prefer seeing this version of the gang than seeing them all dead.

So, it was with his heart cracking inside his chest, his brain crying with the knowledge that Seungmin and Jeongin were watching this through their hidden cameras, that Felix pulled back a fist and slammed it into Changbin’s face, tears clouding his vision as the boy’s head snapped back.

Hyunjin and Jisung both yelled in surprise, Felix not giving them a chance to recover as he pushed back against them and stumbled from their arms, sprinting away as fast as his legs could take him.

The corridors all blurred into one as the tears streamed down his face, Felix agonisingly reminded of all he had run away from as the footsteps pounded behind him, chasing him towards what was hopefully an exit.

He had to get away from them.

He couldn’t get them killed.

But apparently fate really hated Felix that day, or maybe it really loved him, because he barely saw it coming as he ran directly into the boy he loved.

Chan flinched as Felix barrelled into him, sending them both flying back into the wall as Minho struggled to catch them. Felix let out a heart-wrenching sob into Chan’s chest, knowing that now he was in his leader’s arms, it would be too difficult to let him go.

“I’m sorry!” Felix was crying and fighting, his emotions flashing like lightning around him as Chan pulled him close, probably trying to decide whether to hug Felix or restrain him, “You need to let me go. I can’t stay. I’m so, so, so sorry.”

Chan looked confused and devastated and all kinds of heartbroken as he helped Felix lean against the wall, arms still keeping him close as Minho hovered a few feet away.

“Lixie?” Minho asked quietly, almost hesitantly as Felix lifted terrified eyes towards him, “Is that you?”

Felix could only shake his head and cry harder at the hope in Minho’s voice. Felix’s appearance must have been considered really important if Minho was out the van. Stray Kids really wanted him back. They were really fighting to get Felix back.

The thought made Felix flinch as Minho took a step towards him, staring at Felix like he couldn’t quite believe he was there.

“We really missed you, Felix,” Minho said softly and Felix began to squirm against Chan.

“No, you can’t miss me,” Felix sobbed, tears dripping down his neck, “You can’t miss me, hyung, because I can’t ever come back.”

“Why not, Felix?” Minho asked slowly, and Felix couldn’t take it anymore. Changbin, Hyunjin and Jisung suddenly dashed in from the next corridor and Felix started to fight again, spitting and swearing and slapping as Chan desperately tried to keep him pinned.

“Felix, calm down!” he had to yell to be heard over the sound of Felix’s cries. The others immediately stepped forward to help, but Chan held up a hand to keep them away.

“Felix, baby, please listen to me,” he whispered into Felix’s ear, Felix feeling his veins tingle in the devastatingly familiar way as he continued to struggle, “You don’t need to leave. You don’t have to run from us. Whatever this is, we’ll fix it, okay? We’ll help you, Felix. We’ll help you with whatever’s going on.”

The words stung in just the right way, filling Felix’s veins with pain as he collapsed against Chan’s chest. It felt so right there, cradled in Chan’s arms, it felt like everywhere Felix belonged. And, yet, he knew he would have to leave again, he would have to turn his back and run away and never see any of them ever again.

“I’m sorry,” the whisper was strained as it left Felix’s lips, “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” Chan whispered back, eyes teeming with emotion as he leaned down closer to Felix, their faces only centimetres apart as Felix felt Chan’s breath ghosting over his skin, his mind short-circuiting at the feeling, “Please stay with us.”

The plea sounded so desperate, so hopeful, that Felix almost fell apart at the sound of it. But he was too distracted by how close Chan had gotten, by how intense the tingle was against his skin, by how his eyes were raking shakily over Chan’s lips.

“I don’t want to live without you, Felix,” Chan said, and there was a mere second of silence between them before he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a firm kiss that had Felix’s mind spiralling out of control.

They pulled away for a second, the ghost of each other’s lips tickling against one another as they locked eyes, letting every possible emotion pass between them before closing the distance once more. And Felix felt his heart stutter in his chest, his lungs rattling and his ribs shaking and electricity zipping along his skin because Chan was actually kissing him.

They moved against each other, Chan’s hands coming to cup Felix’s face whilst Felix’s fingers tangled themselves in Chan’s hair, carding through the soft locks as their lips slotted perfectly together, a feeling of complete euphoria blanketing the two boys as they fell in love all over again.

Sparks flew around them, the entire world fading away as Felix lost himself to the feeling that was his absolute love for Bang Chan. He could taste the want in Chan’s lips, could taste the hope sizzling in his mouth, could taste the complete adoration Chan had for Felix and how desperate he was for more.

Felix wanted to cry at the feeling, but instead he kept kissing, using his hands to pull Chan’s face closer to his so they could lean against each other, skin setting alight at the glorious contact.

Everything felt so right, so perfect, with Chan’s lips against his that Felix almost forgot about his situation, almost forgot about how much danger he was putting his group in just by standing with them.

Almost.

Thunder crackled ominously in Felix’s brain as he pulled away, gasping at the loss of Chan’s warmth against his lips. Tears blurred his vision, the salty liquid dripping down his cheeks when he pulled his eyes up to meet Chan’s, almost recoiling at the fondness playing hesitantly within them.

“Felix,” Chan’s voice was like honey, sounding sweet and inviting and oh-so-perfect to Felix’s ears, “Stay.”

_Stay._

It was one word. One word laced with wishes and hope and want. One word with so many connotations and so many meanings and so many implications that Felix felt he could drown just thinking about them all.

But he knew exactly what it was that Chan wanted, and he wanted so badly to obey. He wanted to stay with the group. He wanted to stay with Chan. He wanted to fall in love and hold hands and kiss cheeks and cuddle to help chase away all the demons in their lives.

Felix was so, so tempted to just say _screw it_ and fall permanently into Chan’s arms, forgetting about the notes and forgetting about gang life and forgetting about all the possible danger so they could be happy again.

But then Felix blinked, and he could see Chan on the floor again. He could see a note with deadly words and the sound of a gunshot and Chan’s entire right side drenched in blood. He could hear the screams of the others, he could feel their fear, he could taste their grief that would plague them should one of them actually die… and Felix couldn’t let that happen.

_The longer you stay in the gang, the more danger you put them in. _

It didn’t matter that Felix loved Chan, it didn’t matter that Chan loved him back. All that mattered was keeping the gang safe.

So, it was with his heart sinking down to his stomach, that Felix brought his knee up and caught Chan directly in the stomach, ignoring the grunt of pain and the yells of the others as he scrambled away and sprinted off in the opposite direction.

“Felix, no!” Chan screamed, Felix feeling like he was about to fall apart at the shattering of his voice, “I love you!”

Felix almost stopped dead in his tracks, his chest heaving with a single grotesque breath.

_I love you._

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Chan couldn’t love Felix. Chan couldn’t love Felix because Felix had to go away and never return and he couldn’t bear to think that he was breaking Chan’s heart like that.

Felix wanted to throw up.

The image of Chan’s face, creasing in shock and pain as Felix kicked him imprinted itself permanently into Felix’s mind, taunting and teasing him as he ran. His chest stuttered as his feet moved, pulling him further and further away from the people he had devastated, from the people he loved more than anything, from the one person who loved him just as much as he loved them.

Felix had hurt Chan, and he was never going to forget the look on the leader’s face when he had done so. It didn’t matter how far Felix ran, that face would follow him everywhere.

He kept going until the footsteps faded away and the shouts reduced to silence, Felix collapsing on a pavement in the middle of the night and crying into the ground, mourning the fact that he was once again completely alone.

He stayed there for hours, until the pavement was wet and the night was cold and he was barely even shivering anymore, his body barely able to keep him awake as he clawed at the ground. Some part of him told him he’d be lucky to die right there on the pavement. Another part of him said that’d be too merciful, that Felix deserved pain and hell after what he’d done to his gang.

Maybe, that part of him was right, because Felix could still feel the ghost of Chan’s lips over his own and it had his heart tearing in half, brutally reminding him that Chan was most likely feeling the same.

The boy he loved was right there for Felix to hold, and Felix had kicked him.

Realistically, he knew it wasn’t his fault, but Felix still felt terrible about it. The image of Chan’s face was still flashing sickeningly through his mind, bringing bile to his throat and nausea to his stomach as he prayed for it all to end. He just wanted to be in his leader’s arms.

However, Felix knew it wasn’t going to end for a long, long time. So, he resigned himself to his fate as he peeled himself off the pavement and dragged himself to where he was currently staying, convinced that there was nothing else that could go wrong that night.

Oh, how wrong he was.

Felix almost collapsed when he reached his doorstep, his heart dropping to the floor and his veins seizing within his skin as he caught sight of the note stuck to the door.

_We know about the kiss._

. . .

It had been a week of nothing but cold, hard terror.

Felix had been staying in different places every night, throwing glances over his shoulder at every turn, avoiding contact with every single person, whilst still trying to keep a firm eye on Stray Kids.

He didn’t know whether it was him or Stray Kids that the sender of the notes was going to punish for the kiss, but he did know someone was going to suffer for it. So, he kept himself hidden, ears tightly peaked for any bit of information floating around the gang world that may tell him about the safety of Stray Kids, all while trying to keep himself safely tucked away.

It was stressful, having to sleep with one eye open, but after a week of nothing happening to him or his old gang, Felix realised that maybe the note had just been another warning, Maybe, it hadn’t been a threat. Maybe, they were safe after all.

Felix should have known that getting his hopes up was not going to end well.

He was just slipping into an alleyway, determined to find himself somewhere to sleep for the night. The darkness was slowly starting to descend upon him, the entire area around him deadly silent until a figure pounced out of nowhere and tackled him to the ground.

Felix’s adrenalin spiked, shock and pain soaring through his veins as his leg flew out with a kick and his fists hit against a chest, throwing the person off him before he lunged to his feet. But then there was another fist flying into Felix’s face as a second figure tore into his vision, splitting his lip as he stumbled back, right into the arms of a third person who kicked his knee out from under him and threw another into his ribs.

Snarls left Felix with every hit, hissing with half-anger and half-pain as he crumbled, all too-aware of the three figures now looming threateningly over him.

“What do you want?” Felix forced the words out through gritted teeth, yelling when the question only earned him another punch to the face. His saw stars as the knuckles connected with his eye, his head smacking against the concrete below him.

He was about to shout up at the figures again when a torch suddenly entered the alley, followed by slow, eerie footsteps that echoed through Felix’s mind as the fourth person finally joined them.

“Get him up.” The figure instructed, nodding once as the others immediately grabbed onto Felix and pulled him to his feet, three strong pairs of arms pinning him against the wall.

“What the hell?” Felix growled, trying to fight against the bruising grips as the torch came nearer to him, making him hiss and look away as it shone on his face.

“Hello Felix.”

Felix carefully raised his eyes at the voice, feeling a cold shiver ripple down his spine at the venom laced within it. A calm kind of fury filled the air, so strong and calculative that Felix could almost taste it.

“You haven’t been listening to us,” the voice sounded like slithering snakes, lined with threats and punishment as Felix was finally able to meet eyes with the person in front of him.

Lee Taeyong.

Leader of NCT, the 21-person gang that was thought of to rule the streets of Seoul and even some streets of China, made up of some of the toughest and cleverest masterminds out there. All of them fully capable of forming a team to stalk Felix’s every move and leave him notes in the perfect places, breaking him down and forcing him away as he suffered right in front of them.

“You!” Felix yelled, meeting Taeyong’s narrowed eyes as he struggled against the arms holding him, “You did this to me!”

Felix had barely gotten the words out before Taeyong rolled his eyes and another punch met Felix’s cheek, the numerous rings on the person’s hand splitting open his skin and sending blood dripping down Felix’s face.

“I’d keep quiet if I were you,” the puncher snarled, and Felix immediately recognised the voice to belong to Jung Jaehyun. He was part of the muscle of the group, built beautifully and made up of brute strength, smart mind operating behind even smarter fists.

He was a strong and slow fighter, different to Nakamoto Yuta and Dong Sicheng who were nimbler and more athletic like Felix, both of them standing either side of Jaehyun and helping to keep Felix stuck to the wall. Felix knew it’d be too difficult to fight against all three of them at once, they out-numbered and out-muscled him heavily, obviously specially chosen by Taeyong who was still leering down at them.

“We needed you out the gang, Felix,” Taeyong slowly brought the torch back up to Felix’s face, illuminating the gruesome bruises now forming on his skin, “Stray Kids were getting a little too big for our liking, a little too close to our territory. We needed to bring them down a peg or two.”

A couple of seconds passed as Felix processed the words, mind scrambling to figure out what the hell Taeyong meant. Felix knew Stray Kids had been getting more well-known lately, and he knew some groups had been intimidated by their eight-member stand. But he didn’t know that it had gone this far.

“Why me?” Felix said, chest panting as he glared, “I mean, I wouldn’t want you targeting anyone else in the gang, but why me?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Felix?” Taeyong’s face lit up in sadistic glee, a slender finger coming to tease down the side of Felix’s face, “We’ve seen those heart eyes you have for your leader. We see the way you look at him. We knew that one slight threat against him, one drop of his blood spilled, would be enough to send you running if you thought it’d save him. You were the easy target, Felix.”

A nasty feeling twisted in Felix’s chest at the words, breathing becoming just that little bit harder as he processed them. Had he brought this on himself? Had he been so vulnerable and so desperate and so broken that he deserved to be blackmailed into leaving?

“We knew what we had to do, Felix,” Taeyong continued to speak, voice as smooth as silk as it brought out goosebumps along the ridges of Felix’s skin, “We positioned Mark, our best shot, in just the right place so he’d be able to shoot Chan right in front of you, exactly in the shoulder like we said we would. It’s lucky you ran away after that, because the next bullet would have gone through his heart.”

“You bastard!” Felix screamed, sudden burst of rage tearing through him as he imagined his leader dead on the floor, skin pale and body still and a hole through his heart. The image ripped Felix apart, his low voice shredding at the seams as he tried to lunge forward, only to receive a punch to the stomach that doubled him over.

“Why didn’t you just kill me?” a tear dripped down Felix’s face and onto the ground, “Why did you have to mess with me like this? Why didn’t you just shoot me and save yourself all the trouble of hurting me?”

“Because, Felix,” Taeyong took a slow step forward and tangled a hand in Felix’s hair from where the boy was still leant over, tugging him upwards with a tight grip, “This is gang warfare. If we’re seen to be taking out gangs unnecessarily or killing valuable innocents, we could lose all our allies, all our trade. We had to be smart about it, and making you suffer was just an added bonus.”

He grinned as he said the final words, Felix feeling like he was going to throw up. The entire world was spinning around him, too many emotions and realisations spiralling through his brain as he just tried to breathe, not knowing how he was even going to be able to get out of the situation when he could barely stand up.

“Hey!” came a voice, Felix’s head snapping up so hard his vision went white as all the NCT members tensed around him, “Step away from him.”

The command was cold and hard and riddled with certainty, piercing the air as Chan strode into the alley, gun up and posture sharp. Felix felt his chest pulse, eyes widening in shock as Chan stopped a few feet from him, face set in stone as Hyunjin and Jeongin both marched in behind him, their own guns held firmly in front of their faces.

Yuta and Sicheng were quick to act, leaving Jaehyun to force Felix against the wall whilst they pulled their own guns and aimed them at the four boys, Tayeong watching in half-surprise, half-amusement.

“Well, hello boys,” Taeyong drawled, his lips pulling up into a lazy grin, “So nice of you to show up.”

“They’re not the only ones!” came the second shout, Minho’s voice ringing loudly down the alley as him, Changbin, Jisung and Seungmin all sprinted in from the other end, guns held in front on their chests. Sicheng immediately flipped sides so he had his gun on them, him and Yuta now blocking Felix from either side.

Changbin smirked at Taeyong, hard face pulling into the lazy grin that Felix used to tease him for relentlessly, “You know each of your shooters is outnumbered, right?”

“You may be right there,” Taeyong smiled, seemingly unfazed by Stray Kids’ sudden appearance, “But my shooters have something you don’t.”

“And what would that be?” asked Seungmin.

Taeyong just laughed quietly to himself, slowly pulling a gun out his pocket before twisting it a couple times in his hands and raising pure murderous eyes towards Felix, a heart-stopping click echoing through the air as he positioned the gun perfectly against Felix’s forehead, “Him.”

All the air left Felix’s lungs. His entire body flinched, hands sweating and chest shaking as he stared straight at Taeyong, losing himself to the sinister eyes staring back at him. Taeyong concealed a hidden darkness, snakes slithering around under his skin and hissing from his eyes as he stared, his entire being screaming ‘killer’ in a way that had Felix thinking he may be about to die very soon.

“Don’t!” Chan roared, Felix barely even wincing as the leader took a step forward, rage blazing through him, “It’s over now, Taeyong! We know what you’re doing and we destroyed your plans! You can’t touch him.”

The darkness on Tayeong’s face flickered slightly, a slight panic slithering quickly across his face before he schooled it away. A silent gasp left Felix’s lips. He wasn’t sure about whether to be concerned or relieved about the fact that the man literally holding a gun to his head was panicking. Felix knew fear could break a person, but it could also light them up, and Taeyong was not a fire Felix wanted to be battling against.

“Oh, really?” Taeyong dared to ask, gaze slithering over to Chan.

“I hacked into your security cameras,” it was Seungmin who spoke this time, snapping everyone’s attention to him as he glared back, “I saw that you were making a plan, a big plan, it involved notes and maps and stalking all of my members. So, I sent Changbin-hyung and Jisung on a raid to figure out what was going on. You’ll never guess what they found.”

“We found a whole pile of threats and blackmails,” Jisung snickered, “All of them targeted towards one of our members,” he made a show of inching his gun closer to Sicheng’s face, “You should have known we wouldn’t take kindly to that.”

“Now now, children,” Taeyong let his eyes roam over them all, “You may have been clever enough to figure out our plan, but we still have Felix, so remember to play nice.”

With that, he gestured Jaehyun out the way and pulled the gun back slightly before jabbing it further into Felix’s forehead, knocking his head back against the wall and drawing a pained whimper from his lips.

“Don’t touch him!” Chan screamed, and Felix could have sworn the leader looked downright murderous, his gun moving from Yuta to point directly at Taeyong, “I swear on my life, Taeyong, if you lay another finger on him-”

“You’ll what?” Taeyong interrupted, swivelling his head to face Chan, “I’m the one with Felix, so what could you possibly do to me without getting your precious little lover here hurt?”

Another growl left Chan’s lips, anger swarming sickeningly against his posture as he prepared to leap forwards. But Hyunjin took a hand off his gun and yanked him back, Seungmin taking Chan’s place at the front of the group from the other side.

“We could start a war,” Seungmin said simply, an uncomfortable silence looming in the air for a few moments before Taeyong straightened up.

“What do you mean?” he asked, clearly a little more unsettled than he had been before Seungmin spoke.

“Well, I tagged along when Changbin-hyung and Jisung-hyung went on their little raid,” Jeongin spoke up, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I managed to memorise the layout of your entire place. Every exit, every guard, every weakness, I know all of it. I could take your entire territory to the ground.”

“I don’t think so, little boy,” Yuta took a step towards Jeongin, gun twitching in his hand, “You may have insider knowledge, but there’s 8, soon to be 7, of you and 21 of us. We’d crush every single one of you without having to break a sweat.”

“Now that is where you are wrong,” Hyunjin shuffled so he was right next to Jeongin, both of their guns aimed directly between Yuta’s eyes, “It was whilst they were on their raid that I decided to go on a little trip. Apparently, gangs that are pretty close to us like Twice, GOT7 and Day6 have also been victims of your little ‘plans’. They’d be more than happy to help us.”

Taeyong’s face faltered, his grip tensing on the gun against Felix’s head, entire body going rigid as he processed the level of the threat being turned around on him.

“So, how about that, eh?” Seungmin grinned, “It seems that there’s a lot of groups that want to take you down. Now why don’t you listen to us before we give one of them a call?” Seungmin’s tone was cold and condescending, Taeyong’s body shifting as he glared full-on at him.

“You won’t get away with this,” he seethed, “You can’t fight NCT. We’re too strong, we will destroy you.”

“You’ve already tried that,” Minho spoke up, making a show of inching his finger closer to his trigger as his catlike eyes bored directly into the gun in front of him, “It didn’t work out for you, did it? So, step away from Felix, never go near him or any of us ever again, and we’ll hold back from destroying _you._”

A harsh breath forced itself out Taeyong’s nose at the words and the tension raised so high Felix swore he could have cut straight through it. There was fear, apprehension and just a small shred of hope running through his blood, his wide eyes staring straight at Taeyong as the other gang leader slowly turned to face him.

Taeyong looked livid, and Felix almost flinched again under his terrifying gaze. But this wasn’t the kind of fury that had started off the night, this wasn’t the calculative kind of anger that derived from confidence and well-made plans. This was pure, daunting anger that one couldn’t escape from, this was Taeyong realising that there was nothing he could do. This was Taeyong feeling all the rage in the world but being unable to act on it.

“Fine.” Taeyong stared straight at Felix as he bit the word, “You can have your little lover back.”

Felix dragged in a deep, mangled breath, heart convulsing with relief as his entire body went limp in Jaehyun’s arms. He could see Chan taking a step forward in the corner of his eye, clearly itching to get closer to Felix and hold him and hug him and maybe kiss him like he’d been missing out on for far too long.

“But,” Taeyong’s voice cut cleanly through Felix’s relief, “Allow me to do one thing.”

“And what would that be?” Chan sounded stern and sinister, practically growling as he slowly leered closer to Felix.

Taeyong took a calculative step back, sharp eyes meeting Felix’s as he raised his gun, “This.”

A nauseatingly familiar bang pierced the air, the sound of a gun going off causing them all to jump as Felix flinched, his eyes dropping down to his body and widening in shock.

A sharp hot pain sliced through his stomach, his t-shirt beginning to stain with red as Felix crumpled, the floor coming up to meet him as he gasped.

A pair of warm hands landed frantically on his shoulders, bringing him comfort and heartbreak and a million other things that drowned him as he was gradually swallowed by oblivion.

Felix fought to stay awake, but he couldn’t stop the darkness descending as blurry feet sprinted towards his fallen form and the awful sound of terrified screams drowned out around him.

. . .

For a while, the world was nothing but pain, blood and worried voices.

Felix couldn’t see anything through the darkness that had become his universe, sometimes he couldn’t even feel or hear anything either. All he knew was that there were always hands on his shoulders, there was a sharp sting in his stomach and there were so many people begging him to open his eyes.

“Felix,” they pleaded, voices cracking with heartbroken need, “Lixie, please wake up. Please don’t leave us. Come on, Lix, we only just got you back.”

There was one voice that stood out above them all, one voice made up of honey, comfort and all the happiness Felix chased. It was when that voice spoke that Felix felt like he really could open his eyes, like he could finally battle the heaviness weighing him down.

But Felix wasn’t ready for that yet, there were times he could still feel blood leaking down his stomach, times he was constantly shifted on the bed he had been moved to, times hands would desperately squeeze his when his barely-conscious body writhed horrifyingly in agony.

Days passed with the same pattern. The same comforting words. The same desperate pleads. The same soft skin dragging delicately over his own as his body slowly worked to put itself back together.

Felix could still hear the bang that had caused all of this, could still feel the bullet slicing cleanly through his stomach, could still hear the yells from his members as they tore towards his falling body. It was so loud in Felix’s mind now, so loud and scary and fearful that Felix almost drowned in the noise.

Which is why it was funny that, when Felix finally did open his eyes on the third day, it was to complete silence.

A faint glow coated the room, the setting sun shining tenderly in from the nearby window and illuminating the air with a soft golden hour hue. Felix didn’t know what house this was or why Stray Kids were staying there, but he was sprawled out on a single bed in the middle of the room, the floor around him littered with medical supplies, clothes and the odd plushie Felix felt an odd sense of endearment at.

Was he really back with Stray Kids? Was he finally safe with them now?

Felix couldn’t stop his breath from hitching at the thought and the squeak of a chair sounded from the other side of the room, Felix’s head whipping up to find Minho staring back at him. The older boy was sat at a desk cleaning his supplies, his attention now firmly on Felix as the two of them locked eyes, silently raking their gaze over each other’s faces as they tried to process that they were back together.

“Felix,” Minho couldn’t stop the word from tumbling out his lips, heart pounding in a beautiful sense of relief as he stood up, “Felix, you’re awake.”

He was quick to hurry over to Felix’s side, one of his large hands automatically coming to cup the side of Felix’s face. Felix nuzzled tiredly into the warmth, skin tingling at the contact.

“Hey hyung,” Felix said quietly, his voice raspy and weak but still able to make Minho’s lips pull up into a teary smile, “I missed you.”

“We missed you too, Lix,” Minho whispered back with shiny eyes, staring at Felix like he was ready to give him the whole world right there and then, “You’re never allowed to leave us again.”

Felix snorted at the words, turning his head as Minho continued to stroke his cheek. It was then that Felix’s sight landed on another person sat by his bedside and he couldn’t help but gasp in surprise.

Next to Felix’s bed, was none other than the man Felix had missed more than anyone else in the world.

Chan’s forearms were rested on the sheets, his head buried on them and hair tumbling down to messily cover his face. His entire body was relaxed, slow breaths rippling softly through his back as he slept, somehow still looking ethereal and perfect even with his pale skin and ruffled appearance.

“Chan-hyung,” Felix couldn’t help but whisper, a thousand different emotions sparkling within him as he took in the sight of the leader he loved, of the boy he had been kept away from for far too long.

“Channie-hyung hasn’t left your side,” Minho explained quietly, watching as tears started to shine delicately in Felix’s eyes, “He’s been waiting for you Felix.”

“Chan,” Felix sobbed the word, one of his small, shaky hands coming to tangle in the leader’s curly hair, running through it a couple of times before Chan stirred, “Channie-hyung.”

Grumbles filled the air as Chan tossed his head, a groan leaving his lips as he brought up a hand to wipe at his face, eyes only open by a slit.

“Channie-hyung,” Felix said again, almost cooing at Chan’s half-awake state, “It’s me.”

Chan jolted like he’d been electrocuted, his back straightening so fast his butt almost completely left the chair. Minho broke out into a loud laugh, Felix unable to hold back his own soft grin, knowing laughing would be too painful with his stomach wound.

“Hey hyung,” Felix said, and Chan just stared at him like he couldn’t quite believe he was there, eyes wide and mouth open and hair falling over his forehead as his body stilled, “Thank you for saving me.”

Chan just gulped like a fish, air getting caught in his throat as he quickly wiped at his eyes, desperately hoping this wasn’t his brain playing a cruel trick on him. Minho could only smile as he slipped out the room, saying something about leaving them alone as he went to tell the others Felix was awake.

“Felix,” Chan whispered the word like it was made of gold, like he was treasuring every second he got to say it before it shattered, “Oh my god… Felix! Felix, baby, you’re awake!”

His voice suddenly got loud, a hand coming up to cover his mouth as his face crumpled, a waterfall of tears cascading down his face,

“I can’t believe you’re awake!” Chan lunged forward, strong arms wrapping around Felix’s shoulders as he pulled him close, “Don’t you ever scare me like that again! I thought I’d lost you, Felix. Oh my god, I actually thought you were gone.”

“I’m here, hyung,” Felix was crying too now, weak hands squeezing Chan’s back, “I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m here now. I’m here and I’m not leaving again, I promise. I’m sorry.”

“God, baby, don’t be sorry,” Chan pulled away, still crying as he cupped Felix’s face, making sure to look Felix in the eye as the distance between them closed to mere inches, “None of this is your fault, Felix, absolutely none of it. You did everything you could and you were so brave for us, we’re the ones who should be sorry.”

“No, hyung,” Felix shook his head as Chan’s thumb swiped tenderly over his tears, leaving a trail of warmth on his cheek, “This isn’t your fault… it’s mine. I had to save you, I couldn’t let them hurt you again.”

“Then thank you, Felix,” Chan said sincerely, eyes still staring directly into Felix’s, “Thank you for protecting us.”

“And thank you,” Felix said back, “Thank you for coming to save me.”

Chan couldn’t help but smile at the words, a single tear slipping down his face as he beamed at Felix, staring at him like he was the world’s most precious treasure, “I meant it when I told you I wouldn’t leave you behind.”

A sob left Felix’s throat, accompanied by a sparkling smile as Felix tried to process just how good it felt to be back in Chan’s arms once more, how good it felt to be exactly where he belonged.

“Was that the only thing you meant, hyung?” Felix decided to ask, his chest swirling with anticipation as one of his fingers curled hesitantly around Chan’s wrist, “Or did you also mean it when you told me to stay? When you told me you didn’t want to live without me? When you told me… when you told me you loved me?”

Chan’s eyes widened in shock and Felix almost recoiled right there and then, nerves slicing painfully up his veins. But then Chan was cupping his face even harder, bringing himself even closer so their breaths were hot on each other’s skin, Felix able to rake his eyes over every detail of the leader’s face.

“I have always loved you, Felix,” Chan’s voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, faltering slightly as Felix gasped, “And I always, always want you to stay.”

“Hyung,” Felix whispered, lips shaking as his eyes started to water again, his heart squeezing in his chest, “Hyung… I… I’ve always loved you too.”

Chan’s entire face lit up, eyes pulling into crescents and lips quirking at the corner, a beautiful laugh falling from his lips as the Sun shone on his face. He looked gorgeous… absolutely beautiful… and Felix couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward to close the distance between their lips.

It hurt Felix’s stomach to tilt forward at such an angle, and Chan almost jumped out his seat in surprise, but none of that mattered as a spark lit stunningly between them.

They waited a couple of seconds before their lips started moving as one, softness and warmth spreading over each other’s faces as they leant into each other. Chan’s hands were rubbing over Felix’s chin and Felix’s fingers were dancing over Chan’s back, Chan shivering gloriously at the feeling as his skin tingled with the contact.

It was the same tingling feeling Felix had always experienced, except ten times better. Because now they were in each other’s arms, now they had found one another’s lips, now they were finally held firmly in an embrace… and they were never letting go.

One of Chan’s hands travelled to the back of Felix’s neck, playing with the strands of hair and managing to pull Felix even closer, wanting them to be as near to each other as possible to savour the feeling of complete belonging that they only got when they were around one another, and that had only gotten stronger now that their lips were against each other.

Felix was almost out of breath, starting to gasp for air against Chan’s lips, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away, couldn’t bring himself to let go of the way his heart was beating only for Chan, couldn’t bring himself to be any further away from the man he loved with everything he had.

But then the door slammed open and Felix pulled away with a pant, dragging in a deep breath as both him and Chan whipped round, finding Jisung and Jeongin standing in the doorway looking half-amused, half-traumatised.

A couple of seconds passed before Jeongin let out an ear-splitting screech, his hands flying in front of his face, “My eyes!” he screamed, turning to face the wall as Jisung almost collapsed in laughter.

“You know,” Jisung managed to say through his cackles, his hand holding his stomach as he doubled over, “When Minho-hyung told us not to come in because you two were ‘reuniting’, I really didn’t think he meant this.”

“Jisung!” Chan yelled, his face bright red as Felix started giggling, “Why did you come in then you brat?”

“I wanted to see Felix!” Jisung shouted, still laughing as Jeongin dared to turn around and peek at them through his fingers, “Trust me, if I’d known I was going to see this, I wouldn’t have bothered!”

“Awww, Jisungie,” Felix pouted from the bed, “Don’t be like that!”

“Wait, no!” Jisung squeaked, “I do want to see you Felix, I promise!”

With that, he quickly dashed round the bed to Felix’s other side, letting Felix pull him down into a hug, “I missed you, you idiot. Don’t leave like that again, it was like I lost my twin.”

“I missed you too,” Felix said into Jisung’s shoulder, Chan now watching them with a warm smile, “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” Jeongin spoke up, Chan getting up from the bed and pulling him over so he could settle on Felix’s other side, immediately falling into the embrace with the two boys, “It wasn’t the same without you, hyung. Chan-hyung’s been absolutely unbearable.”

“Yah!” Chan yelled, making a show of rolling his eyes as Felix giggled fondly, “Why are you all being brats today?”

“Maybe because we caught you with your tongue down Felix’s throat,” Jisung said bluntly as he finally pulled away from the hug, Chan practically choking on air as he processed the words. He was about to scold Jisung again when another shout rang out from the doorway.

“Oh my god, finally!” Changbin yelled, Chan turning around to see all the other boys crowded in the doorway, most of them laughing as Felix started to blush.

“I disappear for ages and the moment I come back you all start making fun of me,” Felix pouted, Chan having to resist actively cooing at the sight as both Hyunjin and Seungmin ran over and started smothering Felix, shouting that they would never make fun of Felix again if it meant he would stay. Felix could only laugh and pull them closer, saying that they could make fun of him all they wanted, he would never leave them again.

The words made Chan smile, his heart fluttering as Minho and Changbin walked over and patted him on the back in congratulations, telling him they were glad he finally had Felix before they went over to the boy himself and each planted a kiss on Felix’s forehead, the room filling with everyone’s relieved giggles.

There was no way for any of them to deny that it felt right like that, that all eight of them crowded in a room together was nothing short of perfect.

It didn’t matter that Felix was still healing, it didn’t matter that they had been separated, it didn’t matter that the last month had put them all through hell and back. All that mattered was that they were back together now, and they weren’t letting one another go.

There was only one thing left to make the moment absolutely perfect, one thing that was solved pretty quickly when Chan settled himself next to Felix on the bed and linked their fingers together, connecting their hearts and souls for years to come.

“Felix,” Chan whispered, smiling when the boy lifted deep brown eyes to look up at him, “Always stay with me, yeah?”

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Felix smiled back, “You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> I actually really enjoyed writing and exploring this fic, so please leave a comment telling me your thoughts <3
> 
> My Twitter : @hotefelixxie - I follow back and sometimes I post little mini drabbles that are too unedited or short for Ao3 if you'd like to check them out (they're in my threads) xx
> 
> Have a blessed day and take care <3


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